My story - baby after miscarriage

It has taken me all day to build up the courage to write on today's subject on blogtember, mainly because it is one of those subjects I don't really talk about...so here goes... (deep breath)

In 2008, my husband and I decided it was time to expand our family and so we began trying for a baby...now it took along time for anything to happen for us and I had resided myself to the fact that maybe it wouldn't happen.
Some time passed and in 2009 I missed a cycle..but I didn't want to get excited so I waited a bit just in case it was a coincidence.. It was toward the end of July that everything changed, I wasn't feeling well for a week before it even occurred to me what was happening and my world kind of collapsed around me.
I got home from a 9 hour shift and I decided to go to bed as I felt awful...I woke up 7am the following morning and dragged myself out of bed, next thing I know my husband has come to get me from the hallway as he said I was screaming (I don't remember this), the next moments moved by far too fast... Because the next thing I remember is being taken away in an ambulance.
Things at the hospital were a huge blur for me...I remember arriving and being in this tiny room alone waiting to see a doctor, I was so completely terrified of what was happening..the feeling of complete helplessness and anxiety was overwhelming.
My husband left me alone for a while and during which time I lost our baby. I don't think I have ever been so heart broken.
The days and weeks following all seemed to blur into nothing, I stayed at home and blamed myself...
Maybe if I went in sooner I could have prevented what happened.. If I had followed my gut instinct in the first place then maybe things would have been better.

Fast forward a few months and we were heading away on holiday, and I hadn't been feeling great, but pushed it aside again.
A week or so later I decided to take a test...which turned out positive. Now don't get me wrong I was so unbelievably excited, but I was also truly afraid what if I lose the baby again?! On top of that I am on strong medication for epilepsy which can also cause major problems.. So I was closely monitored and had extra scans and check ups through out...even when I passed the 12 week mark I got scared at every twinge.
But thankfully our beautiful daughter arrived safely one week early on 10/08/10 weighing 5lb 10oz.
Since then we have had another daughter who is now 5 months old.

So even after bad things, good things do happen :)